MOMMY NOSE'S TOP PICKS FOR BABY CARRIERS

Calcium (three servings a day) may actually boost your ability to conceive. You can find this important bone-builder (and baby-builder) not just in dairy products, but also in fortified juices, tofu and soy products (including that super-tasty snack, edamame), broccoli, leafy green vegetables, sesame seeds, and canned salmon with bones. Yeah, if I forget to take the calcium pills every day I can actually feel it being sucked out of my bones. Ain't I a drama queen?
Manganese (about 2 mg a day) is important for good reproductive function — in other words, a baby-making essential. Spinach, carrots, broccoli, whole grains, nuts, bananas, and raisins are all great sources of manganese. I just want to know why Popeye didn't have any kids then? Or did he? Was Sweet Pea his or was Olive Oil a single mother?
Zinc is zee key for conception — if you are severely deficient in zinc forget about getting knocked up. Get your full share (about 15 mg a day) via a supplement or by eating turkey, beef, lamb, pork, chicken, almonds, beans, wheat germ, yogurt, oatmeal, corn, eggs, fortified breads and cereals, and cooked shellfish, especially oysters. Just remember that Oysters also have a lot of Mercury in them and are gross bottom feeders. And they can give you parasites. Nice!

Let's start at the very beginning ... Getting knocked up. My friend who works in the prenatal department at UCLA told me this; "If you want to get pregnant wait until 2 weeks after your period and then start having afternoon sex (4:00pm - 7:00pm) every day for two weeks. He said to make sure to make the setting romantic and to have slow to medium sex. He said the faster and harder you go the less likely you are to make a baby. It has something to do with I have no idea what, but that's what he said! We did just that and wham bam thank you Sam and I yam what I yam! All knocked up with no place to go. It worked for me. Doesn't mean this will work for everyone though.

Be perfectly clear on this though; if you plan on in vitro-fertilization expect to give birth to at least two kids if not an entire litter. I have no idea what it's like to be a cat and I don't want to find out. But I must say, if I knew how amazing it would feel to be a mother before I got pregnant, I probably would have jumped at the chance of being a cat and giving birth to a bunch of little human kittens. Lucky for the rest of the world I just had Baby Nose.